Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
