we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize