k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
