Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
