you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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