All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club