That's when you crack a 10am beer
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial