how can u be prego again
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend