Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
