i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
