somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
