i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
