I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she looked like the before picture.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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