The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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