He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
