I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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