Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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