my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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