hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
