and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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