3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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