I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
