dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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