My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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