if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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