my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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