so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
