all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
