Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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