u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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