Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
