My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
