I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dick has a subreddit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
