I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
