i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
