My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
