I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
