Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are two peas in an std pod
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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