11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
