I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
