If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
