I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
