he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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