I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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