barbara walters just said penis...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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