Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
