Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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