For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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