Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
