sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
