guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
