Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
