I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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