just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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