I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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