He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
