Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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