I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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