Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please come you make the beer taste better
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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