We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
