You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
