trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
