hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
