I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
