Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
