I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
