your parents love me but you hate me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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