i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
