i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it glows. i had to have it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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