I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
