Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
